1 John 4: 7 - 8 NKJV
I asked a dear friend the other day his opinion on the success of his own marriage. True to form, his answer was half sarcastic. His secret? Simple...get married, get divorced...figure out what went wrong...fix it then get married again. Now, obviously most people will not adhere to this model, but it worked for my friend. Although his own relationship with his wonderful wife has taken more than a few twists and turns, he remains devoted to his relationship with her. How many others can claim that? To remain in a devoted relationship with one person for a lifetime. The truth is, I have been blessed in my life with more than a few examples of a sound marriage relationship. However, it is my friends take on the marriage commitment that made me realize just how personal, and important, this commitmant is. He described marriage as "to will another persons good." I agree. That is, willing another persons good through a UNBREAKABLE pledge. The way that I see this is simple. We are to put the needs, desires and well being of our mate above our own. Now, that may seem a bit extreme to those who believe in throw away marriages, and my friend may correct me, but this is how I feel the marriage pledge should be taken. This isn't simply a promise, but a unbreakalble vow. How many people can adhere to a pledge like that? Well, in my lifetime I have seen precious few marriages that have lasted longer than ten years. Why is that? Do people simply get tired of one another? Is adhering to a marriage commitment really so hard? Apparently it is. What I learned in the rash of short term marriages which I have seen is this, that people refuse to get over themselves. Being single my entire life, I've often wondered if I have what it takes to enter into that marriage commitment. My friends think I do, but I wonder. One thing is for certain, if and when I do enter into my own commitment, life as I now know it will end. For I will go from a life of living for myself to a life of devoting my life to another.
4Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6hdoes not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
1 Corinthians 13: 4 - 7 NKJV
Most people are familiar with the words of the marriage vow. To have and to hold, in sickness and in health. Yet, when it comes to the tests of real life we quickly forget those words. How do we love someone when their own family has decided that she would be better off without you? How do we cherish someone who has just admitted to a long standing affair? Although these are extreme circumstances, I bring them up for one reason, to illustrate just how fragile we can be when it comes to devoting ourselves to another. Not only do we marry our love, but all that she brings into the relationship from her own life. I might not like the way she talks, the way she snores or the way she decorates my home, but all of that comes along with it. This is all a endearing part of a life lived together. To not see these things as hinderances, but as gifts is a unique part of our marriage commitment. This is the life lived in the promise. How soon do we forget that we promised her to always stand by her? How quickly do we forget that we promised to always love him? These aren't simply words we say in the heat of the moment, but a promise made which will never be broken. If only that were the case. The truth is, a very wise and godly man who I trust got married and then divorced. Then, after some soul searching and learning our Lords purpose in his own life, he married his wife once again. I didn't know them before his divorce, so I cannot attest to that chapter of his life, but I have seen the changes in his own life which Christ has brought he and his wife through. This is the commitment. Dare I say that we should commit ourselves to our own mate in the same way God has commited Himself to us? What a concept. I still think back on some of the best advice on marriage I've ever gotten. Get married...get divorced...figure out what went wrong...fix it...get married again. In a world where the marriage relationship has become disposable at best, wiser words were never said.
~Scott~
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