The Fear Of Facing Jesus

For when we were still without strength, in due time Christ died for the ugodly.  For scarcely for a righteous man will one die; yet perhaps for a good man someone would even dare to die.  But God demonstrates His own love towards us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
Romans 5: 6-8 NKJV

There comes that moment when each of us is confronted by Him and is faced with a choice.  The choice being, "Do I choose to live in freedom, or in bindage?"   For me, that moment came during the illness of my mother.  As she agonized with the prospect of not being able to attend the church which she loved, she would often ask me to read scriptures ot her.  For some reason, this seemed awkward to me.  Indeed, I thought of myself as a christian who was saved by the gift of my heavenly Father.  But how was I to minister to my own mother?  This wasn't my job.  I had even toyed with the idea of asking a local pastor to visit her once a month to minister to her, for this was his job after all.  I was not a pastor nor a minister, how could I relate God to her, or Jesus for that matter?  It was around this time that my friend Dennis introduced me to Him.  Now, I had known about Jesus for most of my christian life.  He was indeed my Lord and savior who had died for the forgiveness of my sins.  This was the narative, it was what I had always been told.  In fact, ask any christian out there just who Jesus is and you will most likely get what seems like a well rehersed response.  Jesus is the Lord of Lords, the King of Kings, who was scourged and tortured and crucified on a Roman cross for the forgivness of our sins.  Then, three days later, he rose from the grave and ascended to heaven to sit at the right hand of God the Father.  This was my Jesus, sacred and holy, and yet distant from this earthbound life I lived.  Jesus was at home in heaven, looking down on me, a sinner saved by the grace of God.  He often felt like a stranger to me.  I definately had a aprehension of facing the "Real" Jesus.

Knowing this, that our old man was crucified with Him, that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves of sin.  For he who has died has been freed from sin.  Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with Him, knowing that Christ, having been raised from the dead, dies no more.  Death no longer has dominion over Him.  For the death that He died, He died to sin once for all; but the life He lives, He lives to God.  Likewise you also, reckonn yourselves to be dead indeed to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 6: 6-11 NKJV

I now understand just why it was soo difficult for me to accept this new truth of Jesus which Dennis was telling me of, but back then I struggled to the point of resisting this truth.  After all, it didn't fit the narative I had come to know by heart.  How could Christ Jesus, who I had been told hated the very presence of sin, even consider dwelling in a sinner such as myself?  If anything, Jesus was in heaven looking down on me just waiting for my next screw up.  This was the primary reason that I feared facing this real Jesus Dennis was telling me about.  For me to come before this Jesus, I would have to bring all of my iniquities and mistakes with me.  Just how would Christ accept this man who had sinned and turned his back on God so many times?  THIS was the narative I had been adhering to for so long.  However, as Dennis so patiently pointed out, it was indeed a false narative.  For the very sins I feared of bringing before my savior had already been erased at the cross where He died for me.  Not only that, but I was now a different man a new creation if you will.  Not only has Christ died for the forgiveness of my sins, but He put to death that "Old man" who so deathly afraid of facing Him.  When I came before Jesus, I came not as a sinner saved by grace, but as a new perfect creation in Him.  Gone were those iniquities I was so afraid of bringing before my savior, for He no longer saw Me in this way.  In fact, He had been waiting for me to come to Him and  realize my new life of freedom in Him.  The choice was mine.
It was not until after the passing of my mother that Iearned from a freind of hers that one of her frequent prayers was that I would find God.  Well, I didn't find God, for I already knew He was there.  What I did do is find Christ Jesus who I live as today.  I chose freedom.

~Scott~

~R. Lee Ermey~

The "Gunny" would surely inspire fear in most people.