Romans 7: 15 - 20 NKJV
I remember being afraid, dreading that day. This was the point where, as some would say, the rubber met the road. I had been dabbling in some pretty shady behavior up until that point and I knew that at some point I would need to step up and admit my shortcomings to those around me. I honestly didn't know what to expect. I mean, here i was in a christian environment and, from all appearances, a pretty decent church. How would my christian friends react to my revelation? I soon found out. The first pastor I trusted with my indiscretions refered me to one of the churches "recovery" groups for those with various types of addictions. Was I addicted? I didn't feel addicted, but that was just my opinion. All I knew was that I was involved in some pretty unchristian like behavior and all I wanted was to be free of it. Instead of learning what it was that had me in bondage, I was told it would be a good idea if I stepped into a recovery class. I get it. Apparently this was a church pastors go to play whenever someone would come to them with issues of addiction. Now, I'm not here to say that such classes are not useful, for I know of more than a few friends who have been through the twelve steps of this, that or the other and have come out a changed person. What I didn't get was that, instead of taking the time to learn of my shortcomings, I was immediately refererd to the closest recovery group. However, somehow I felt that this wasn't for me. So, I continued in that bondage which I was living in, all the while knowing I was better than that. To be honest, I really didn't relish the opportunity to be told each week that I was a sinner and that I needed to change in order to please God {Romans 3:23}. If this was the way to liberation from my own behaviors I wanted no part of it.
35‘for I was hungry and you gave Me food; I was thirsty and you gave Me drink; I was a stranger and you took Me in; 36‘I was naked and you clothed Me; I was sick and you visited Me; I was in prison and you came to Me.’37“Then the righteous will answer Him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry and feed You, or thirsty and give You drink? 38‘When did we see You a stranger and take You in, or naked and clothe You? 39‘Or when did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?’40“And the King will answer and say to them, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.’
Matthew 25: 35 - 40 NKJV
Our addictions come in many forms and sizes. One can find addiction in anything from drugs and alchohol to the internet. My drug of choice turned out to be pornography. It turns out that I wasn't alone either. In fact, 2016 numbers showed that 64 percent of men had or were engaging in viewing pornography of some kind. That's three quarters of our population! Not only was I struggling in my own bondage, but it turns out that I was far from alone. I'm assuming that there must be a pretty large waiting list to register for one of those recovery groups I kept hearing about back in the day. Then again, if these so called recovery groups were at all effective, why is it that the numbers of those in bondage continue to rise? Well, I'm sure that there are more than a few diehard institutional church members out there who will swear two ways from sunday that their ways are the best path out of whatever troubles you. I get it. The thing is, I cannot testify that these programs never worked for me as I never indulged in one. Something in my own spirit whispered that this was not the path for me. Yeah, I knew that what I was doing was wrong but, to me, my way out would go through God and not mans systems. I wanted nothing else than to huddle with Jesus and to hear Him whisper..."This I did for you." There was nothing in church which could bring me into a close, huddle type relationship with my Savior. After all, this was my greatest desire. If only I had jesus, then whatever it was that troubled me would be washed away by His shed blood and love for me as His son. I wasn't too far off.
There was a conversation I shared with a dear friend recently along the lines of those behaviors that so troubled me. It was more of a off the cuff comment on how far I had come in my relationship with Christ than anything else. I mentioned to my friend that I had noticed that in myself a change, that desire to indulge in those bad behaviors was not as strong as it once had been. It's not something that I can easily explain, only that my desire to live and know Christ Jesus in me has grown stronger over time {Galations 2:20}. There are still times when I'm alone that I will hear the call of my accuser inviting me to once again indulge in what he has for me. Then I hear another voice within me..."this I did for you."
~Scott~
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