Why I Wouldn't Make A Good Pastor

Then the Spirit said to Philip, "Go near and overtake this chariot."  So Philip ran to him, and heard him reading the prophet Isaiah, and said, "Do you understand what you are reading?"  And he said, "How can I unless someone guides me?"  And he asked Philip to come up and sit with him.
Acts 8: 29 - 31 NKJV

Believe it or not, there was a time in my life when I considered joining the ranks of the clergy.  In hindsight it may be a good thing that I didn't choose that path.  Not because I do not share a love for Jesus, mind you, but because of my inability not to espouse the church narrative.  See, in order to reach the opportunity to even be a pastor, one needs to spend their time getting their thoughts in order in seminary (Pharisee school).  Now, I've heard enough about the teachings given in our modern seminaries to make me realize that I made the right choice in the end.  To understand just why I would not make a good pastor, one needs to see first hand the teachings of the seminary and, in a larger part, the church.  Yes, I believe in God and the death and resurrection of Christ Jesus, but there are also elements of modern Christian teaching that often has me scratching my head.  Wayne Jacobsen, in his weekly podcast this morning, titles his discussion "Why won't God love me?"  Really?  First off, if you are going through life with the belief that somehow God does not love you then you don't know God at all.  We're told that Love is the very nature of God {1 John 4:8}.  I could never honestly lead someone to believe that God does not love them.  Yet, in our modern church we continue to speak of a theology of a far off and distant God who is more likely to judge us by our behaviors than to shower us with the Love He has for His children.  It is this theology which has messed up many peoples understanding of God, and led to questions such as "Why won't God love me?"  Trust me, I've been in those shoes.  I've cried in tears, believing that my sin could never allow God to love and accept me.  Now, I've written of my indiscretions here before, so there is no need to revisit that which is dead and gone, but I truly believed that I was distancing myself from Gods love by my own behaviors.  So, if God indeed is upset with us, why ensure the death of our sins? {Romans 6:11}   If God is unsure of our devotion to Him, why appoint Christ Jesus to become sin on our behalf? {2 Corinthians 5:21}  All too often the question isn't why won't God love me, but why don't we SEE His love for us?

"I don't need to punish people for sin.  Sin is its own punishment, devouring you from the inside.  It's not my purpose to punish it; it's my joy to cure it."
William P Young, The Shack

Of course, the sin issue isn't the only issue I would have trouble with as a pastor.  One of the biggest issues I would have is our own view of Christ Jesus.  It is here where our discovery of who God truly is begins.  The apostle Paul tells us that Jesus is not distant from us, as we've been led to believe.  No, for it is Jesus who lives through us today {Galatians 2:20}.  Yes, Jesus died on the cross, was buried and rose three days later.  I get all that.  However, His story does not end there.  The cross has never been a finishing line...but a starting point.  When we recognize Jesus for who He really is, we open the door to a relationship with Him.  He is with us every step of every day, good times and bad.  Of course, it's not just the church dropping the ball on the story of Christ in us where I take issue.  I also take issue with the pomp and circumstance of the churches man made traditions.  Traditions such as tithing, praise and worship jam sessions and praying to seek our Lords forgiveness (see previous notes on the death of sin in Romans 6).  I've learned to accept one man made tradition which the church continues to embrace, that of communion.  I really don't have a issue in our remembrance of all Jesus did for us, but I'm not sure a replay of the last supper helps us get closer to Him than we already are.  I can honestly say, that if someone were to come to me seeking guidance for a situation they were experiencing, my last thought would be to quote scripture in hopes of making them feel better.  One more reason I would not make a good pastor.  No, my first question to them would be, "Do you realize the Person God sees you as?"  It is this question a dear friend, who still chooses to remain nameless despite all my efforts, asked me in a dark time in my life.  When I shifted my view of God from a theological lens to a personal one, I came to see Him for who He truly is.

How then shall they call on Him in whom they have not believed?  And how shall they believe in Him of whom they have not heard?  And how shall they hear without a preacher?
Romans 10: 14 NKJV

~Scott~