God According To George

41And He was withdrawn from them about a stone’s throw, and He knelt down and prayed, 42saying, “Father, if it is Your will, take this cup away from Me; nevertheless not My will, but Yours, be done.” 43Then an angel appeared to Him from heaven, strengthening Him.
Luke 22: 41 - 43 NKJV

I remember a funny bit from George Carlin back in the day as he talked about God.  Now, George was never on one to pull too many punches when it came to the funny things in life, and this was no exception.  On Gods will and prayer, Carlin quipped that God has a plan which has been working just fine for millions of years.  Then, along comes some run down shmuck with a two dollar prayer book (us) to try to ruin all he's been trying to accomplish!  Now, I think it's worth mentioning here that George Carlin was indeed a atheist and had no qualms in admitting this.  However, he all too often had a way of putting our own interactions with God into perspective.  Things like, how we can pray for all it is that we want but then get upset ot hurt when what we have been praying for does not appear.  What happened to that whole "ask for whatever you wish" thing?  Doesn't being a good christian instantly put our own wants and desires above everyone elses?  So we march our butts into church every sunday so that we can pray for whatever it is we need.  I get it.  I used to be one of those same run down shmucks with many a two dollar prayer book in my collection.  But wait, what about Gods desires?  I mean, isn't He the one with the ultimate plan?  We're just along for the ride here.  Knowing this, why is it that we don't accept the negative of our Lords desires?  Well, let me take a step back, why is it that we don't accept all which WE SEE as negative from our Lords desires?  After all, it's all about us right?  Well, if we can agree that God is indeed in control over all of our lives, then we have to accept that He absolutely knows what He is doing.  That includes each and every war, pestulence, disease and deceased loved ones.  Yes, I've heard it too many times, "how can a loving God allow such pain and suffering?"  I've even asked this question a few times myself.  What I've come to realize is pretty damn simple in my eyes...it has little to do with me but it has EVERYTHING to do with God!

Trillions and trillions of prayers every day asking and begging and pleading for favors. ‘Do this’ ‘Gimme that’ ‘I want a new car’ ‘I want a better job’. And most of this praying takes place on Sunday. And I say fine, pray for anything you want. Pray for anything. But…what about the divine plan? Remember that? The divine plan. Long time ago god made a divine plan. Gave it a lot of thought. Decided it was a good plan. Put it into practice. And for billion and billions of years the divine plan has been doing just fine. Now you come along and pray for something. Well, suppose the thing you want isn’t in god’s divine plan. What do you want him to do? Change his plan? Just for you? Doesn’t it seem a little arrogant? It’s a divine plan. What’s the use of being god if every run-down schmuck with a two dollar prayer book can come along and f@ck up your plan? And here’s something else, another problem you might have; suppose your prayers aren’t answered. What do you say? ‘Well it’s god’s will. God’s will be done.’ Fine, but if it gods will and he’s going to do whatever he wants to anyway; why the f@ck bother praying in the first place? Seems like a big waste of time to me. Couldn’t you just skip the praying part and get right to his will?
~George Carlin~

So, anyone ever feel like ol' George in their lives when it comes to God?  Wanna know why?  Because George Carlin, in his own way put this entire issue in terms of Gods perspective!  That's right, all which we see going on around us we can see as Gods devine work.  That means taking the good along with what we see as being negative.  A friend once told me that we might not know God unless we see His opposite.  Kind of like not knowing light unless we see the darkness.  Seems logical.  But what about our so called loving God allowing for all the pain in the world?  Dude, have you ever read the story of the crucifiction of Christ?  Jesus was put through the ringer...all so that you could have salvation.  One mans suffering led to your future glory.  Tell me again about how you've been mistreated.  The difference between ourselves and Christ, of course, is that He WILLINGLY gave Himself up for us.  Gods will in motion.  I am not foolish enough to believe that He who loved me first would somehow not be attentive to my needs.  However, there are those who believe that.  So, how can a loving God allow such pain in the world?  Simple...IT'S HIS WORLD!  That does not change at all who He truly is.  He is still the very definition of Love {1 John 4:8}.  He is still the creator of all that we see.  Nothing has changed.  Well, nothing except our own belief on how God should run things.  When we understand that it is all about God and not ourselves we will began to understand why He does what He does.  Which is something my two dollar prayer book never told me.

20But indeed, O man, who are you to reply against God? Will the thing formed say to him who formed it, “Why have you made me like this?” 21Does not the potter have power over the clay, from the same lump to make one vessel for honor and another for dishonor?
Romans 9: 20 - 21 NKJV

~Scott~

I Am

The basis of our total truth, which we are taking to the whole church in the whole world, is that the human self has no nature of its own.  It is the expresser of a deity nature, whether the nature of the false deity, the spirit of error, or the true deity, the Spirit of Truth {1 John 4:6}
~Norman Grubb~

The other day I woke up and decided that I was going to make it a good day for myself.  I pretty much succeeded, save for a few moments of frustration which Portland traffic brings.  After that, I decided that I was going to have a good evening and get plenty of sleep to be ready for the next day.  Now, before anyone gets the  wrong idea that I am taking charge of my own life please reserve that decision for later.  The point which I'm making here is that at some point in each of our daily lives almost all of us will tweak ourselves in order to improve what we see as shortcomings in how we are living.  I've gone through this countless times.  There will always come a time where I will look back at how I'm living my own life, slam on the brakes and take another route.  Sometimes this can be a good thing.  I mean, if we're somehow suffering through a bad situation or addiction, isn't it logical that one would do all they could to escape such a situation?  I would hope so.  We've been taught from way back to believe that we and we alone are in charge of our own lives.  I and I alone am responsible for making those decisions which affect me.  I get it.  However, what if all which we have been taught to believe is in error?  What if I'm really not in control of that person I really am?  If this all sounds kind of deep, then welcome to the club my friend.  Trust me, I've wandered that desert of understanding the independent self for some time.  In fact, when a friend of mine hit me with the revelation that there is NO independent self it threw me for a loop from which I barely recovered to this day.  No independent self?  Really, dude?  Wait, wasn't I created as an individual?  Created in my heavenly Fathers own image?  Well, yes, but the creation story does not end there.  Far from it.  For along the way you will see, as I have, that there is still much to learn about our own identities.

20“I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me."
Galations 2:20 NKJV

Take a minute and tell me how it is that you see your heavenly Father.  Do you see Him as a loving or a vengeful God?  Believe me, there is plenty of scripture to back up both of these descriptions of Him.  However, I will tell you how it is that I came to my understanding of who the God I serve truly is.  I weighed the evidence presented to me.  I'm told that God is love {1 John 4:8}.  I am told that He loved me first {1 John 4:19}.  I am told that He calls me His son {1 John 3:1}.  So, I am the son of the living God.  This is the God which I serve.  What does all of this have to do with who I really am?  I'm merely setting the table for what is to come.  The apostle Paul tells us in Galations that we, you and I, no longer exist, but that Christ Jesus lives through us {Galations 2:20}.  Therefore, my own identity is now tied to Christ Jesus.  There is no more Scott, only Christ in him.  Indeed, that which we once were has perished {Romans 6:6}.  So, if I am no longer who I thought I was...then who am I?  Well, as Paul has proclaimed, I AM Christ who is in me.  How does this relate to the entire independent self thing?  Well, we are told that there is NO OTHER but God {Isaiah 45:5}.  So, if there is indeed no other but God...how is it that I can be another?  How is it that I, Scott, can be independent of He who breathed into me the breath of life?  I have been created by my heavenly Father from the dust of the ground...I have NO independent self to speak of.  All that I am is tied to who I am in Christ Jesus.  But what about those times where I have slammed on the brakes of my busy life to alter its course for the better?  Are we to say that God who created us has not planned each and every part of His childrens lives?  Has not He who created all also created the life which I now live?  If we're to say that nothing escapes His notice...then we can confidently say that He is in charge of every aspect of our lives.

5I am the LORD, and there is no other; There is no God besides Me. I will gird you, though you have not known Me.
Isaiah 45:5 NKJV

~Scott~

A Voice In The Wilderness

9Also He spoke this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and despised others: 10“Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. 11“The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, ‘God, I thank You that I am not like other men—extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this tax collector. 12‘I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I possess.’ 13“And the tax collector, standing afar off, would not so much as raise his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me a sinner!’ 14“I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.”
Luke 18: 9 - 14 NKJV

I have been attending your sunday services for some time now.  At first I enjoyed the upbeat music and the fellowship with fellow christians.  It was exactly what I needed at this time in my life.  As you know, everyday life can be nothing short of exhausting.  Yet, when I first walkded through the doors of your church I immediately felt welcomed.  I am not a "veteran" christian by any means.  I have my moments where I backslide into those behaviors which I used to indulge in.  Indeed I know better, but this is just the way I am.  At first I welcomed the church atmosphere where it seemed that I was among those who, like myself, had struggled in my search for what God really desires for me.  I am certain that my heavenly Father has no desire to see me hurting inside.  Not only that, I am certain that He does not enjoy it struggle in my own life.  I know this because of the feeling of closeness I feel for Him each day.  He is my Father, and I am His son.  As the scripture says, my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God.  In my own heart I know that I share a intimate connection with my heavenly Father.  So much so that I began to share this with you as well.  I was excited to share my intimate connection with my heavenly Father.  Maybe my God wasn't tied to the church after all?  I remember mentioning this to you after service one sunday, but what I most recall is the look of confusion on your face as I told you how free I was begining to feel.  Surely you, being a pastor, had experienced this excitement as well?  My excitement was shortlived, however, as you told me to beware of false teachers.  I began to wonder, had God misled me?  Was He just testing me to see if I would truly be loyal to Him?  I mean, He did that with Abraham, right?  Surely my heavenly Father would never deny His own child happiness?  Yet you told me to be careful of who I listened to.

3Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort,4who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 5For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also abounds through Christ.
2 Corinthians 1: 3 - 5 NKJV

One night as I was lying in bed wondering how I could be a better son to my Lord, I heard a radio pastor mention in passing those who had found a relationship with Jesus.  Immediately I felt that excitement again.  That same excitement I had felt the very first time I entered your church.  Could I truly have a one on one relationship with my savior?  When I asked you, once again you told me to beware of false teachers and that God would judge such people appropriately.  Did God only shower me with His love when I behaved well and followed the guidelines of the church?  Was my heavenly Fathers love conditional on my behavior?  All of a sudden your  church did not seem so welcoming.  In fact, I was finding more burdens than love and acceptance.  There were even a few close christian friends in church who advised me that God might be trying to "tell me something."  It saddened me that God would lead me on like He did.  I really felt as if He had led me into your church for a reason, and now it seemed like He was truly abandoning me.  Your sunday services were no longer welcoming for me.  When I did attend, I started to come in late and sit in the back row away from those who felt as if I was somehow unworthy of my Lords love and affection.  After all, I was a sinner, and you once told me that God could never be in the presence of sin.  I began to question my own salvation.  Was I good enough for God?  Could I ever overcome that man I used to be?  When I asked you if God could love someone like me you told me to ask for His forgiveness.  I no longer feel welcome in your church, pastor.  I long for that excitement I felt when I first walked through the doors of your congregation.  I need to know that my heavenly Father really loves me.  Until then I will no longer be attending your church.  I hope that you can find it in your heart to pray for me.  I need something more.

4“And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.” 5Then He who sat on the throne said, “Behold, I make all things new.” And He said bto me, “Write, for these words are true and faithful.”
Revelation 21: 4 - 5 NKJV

~Scott~

The Mens Club

5For even if there are so-called gods, whether in heaven or on earth (as there are many gods and many lords), 6yet for us there is one God, the Father, of whom are all things, and we for Him; and one Lord Jesus Christ, through whom are all things, and through whom we live.
1 Corinthians 8: 5 - 6 NKJV

It seems that I have two fathers.  I have a father who was never involved and one who has never left my side.  I overheard a interesting talk from a radio pastor the other day.  It seems that this pulpit pounder was attempting to make the point which I already knew, but in the process he stepped in the manure of the sacraficial cattle.  Oh, he did ok as he explained that it would seem that we indeed have two fathers.  I get it.  We have our own earthly fathers with whom we form relationships be they good or bad.  For me it was a negative experience, but that's just me.  Then, each of us has a loving heavenly Father whose desire it is to remain in us {Galations 2:20}.  What surprised me about this pastors sermon was a off the cuff remark he made.  As this man saw it, christianity had become a "mens club."  Now, at first this seemed like some politically correct assault on christianity, but I soon saw where he was headed with his reckoning.  Yes, as christians we follow and worship our heavenly Father.  It is also true that as followers of Christ Jesus that HE lives through us today.  This was the point of the preachers comments.  The two central figures to our trust, beliefs and faith are described as...men.  So, is christianity merely a mens club centered around a few domineering men?  On the contrary, there are plenty of references to women in the scriptures.  Our own Lord and savior was born of a virgin.  Not only that, but we are told of the close relationships which Jesus shared with a few women around him.  Doesn't really sound too male dominated to me, but I'm not a pastor.


7“If you had known Me, you would have known My Father also; and from now on you know Him and have seen Him.” 8Philip said to Him, “Lord, show us the Father, and it is sufficient for us.” 9Jesus said to him, “Have I been with you so long, and yet you have not known Me, Philip? He who has seen Me has seen the Father; so how can you say, ‘Show us the Father’?10“Do you not believe that I am in the Father, and the Father in Me? The words that I speak to you I do not speak on My own authority; but the Father who dwells in Me does the works. 11“Believe Me that I am in the Father and the Father in Me, or else believe Me for the sake of the works themselves.
John 14: 7 - 11 NKJV

I will admit that I have often wondered just why things were set up this way.  Couldn't I have had a heavenly mother?  However, I usually don't dwell too much on such questions.  So, how is it that we know that our heavenly Father is indeed...a man?  Well...well...Jesus was a man!  Yes, Jesus Himself is the Son of the living God.  However, we are also told that NOBODY has ever seen the Father {John 1:18}.  I would also suggest that we would never have known the Father at all if He were not shown through Christ Jesus.  As we are told, He and the Father are one {John 1:30}.  This relationship also helps others around us see the Father today.  For just as Jesus displayed the Father to those around Him, we also display Him through our own lives.  If we are told that Jesus lives through us today, then it is God Himself who dwells in us.  If God dwells in us, then He will display Himself to those around us in all we do.  Now, it took me some time to wrap my understanding around the fact that my heavenly Father is not flesh and blood at all...but Spirit in nature.  How is that we can attach our own human descriptions to He who created all we see around us?  However, I'm not against someone using something we can comprehend to better understand that which we can't see.

18No one has seen God at any time. The only begotten Son, who is in the bosom of the Father, He has declared Him.
John 1:18 NKJV

~Scott~

Wounds Too Deep

27So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.
Genesis 1: 27 NKJV

I recall a story from the killing fields of the Vietnam war where a decorated army ranger once survived multiple gunshot injuries in the field only to have his career rocked by those above him for not authorizing his promotion.  To him, his woulds in battle were nothing compared to the wounds to his own confidence in himself.  How often have we ourselves fallen into that scenario?  I know I have.  All too often, those things I'm worried about pale in comparison to  all that is truly important in my own life.  This weeks podcast from Wayne Jacobsen seemed to touch on this issue somewhat as well.  We often jokingly call it "playing the victim."  We magnify our own pain while seemingly ignoring the pain of those around us.  Tell me, whenever you have wallowed in this pit of self pity how often have you felt compassion for that person who wronged you?  I know I haven't.  That would be far too easy.  See, that would take the focus off of ourselves and put it on the real reason that we are feeling sorry for ourselves....and we don't want that.  No, we want others to see just how wounded we have become by those actions of others.  Now, I'm not pointing fingers at anyone because I myself have been that victim all too often.  However, I realized something not too long ago when I was in the midst of another of my own pity parties.  What I realized was this...what makes my pain more important than that of someone else?  I'll tell you why, and many well meaning christians won't like it.  The reason we see our own pain as most important of all is that often we see ourselves as independent and, therefore, more important.  I'm Gods child, I'm saved and therefore the other person is wrong.  But wait, what if the same person who has wronged us is christian as well?  No matter, I'm in charge of my own life and God si on my side!

20“I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me."
Galations 2: 20 NKJV

So, I pose this question to any well meaning christians out there.  If, as the apostle Paul tells us, that Christ Jesus lives through us today...are we truly as independent as we all too often think we are?  Also, we must remember that our heavenly Father has breathed the breath of life into ALL mankind {Genesis 2:7}.  The fact is that we all share that intimate connection with God.  Yet there may be more than a few souls out there who have yet to realize this truth.  That in no way diminishes their standing with God.  We all share that same creation DNA with each other.  So, what does all of this have to do with those wounds we feel so deeply?  Well, as I think back on the times I have dealt with my own self pity, not once did I consider that of the one who wronged me.  What about their wounds?  A friend of mine brought up something interesting this morning as I got ready for my day.  We have a friend whose own heritage comes from eastern europe and the former eastern block nations of Bosnia and croatia.  Now, if you think that we have racial tensions in this country you aint seen nothing yet.  Few of us recall that United States military intervention into the so called Balkan conflict back in the 1990's.  This all came about as a result of the mass execution perpetrated by former Serbian leader Slobodan Milosevic.  Of course, ethnic tensions had been boiling over for years, but this mass killing was the straw that broke the camels back.  This immediately thrust the United States into the generations old conflict as a non neutral party.  Thank you Bill Clinton.  My point is this, what good is it to accept one side of a conflict and yet ignore the pain of the other?  We here in the United States can testify to our own racial injustices.  These are not made up stories but real pain suffered by those whom we may not know nor understand.  As a african american friend once told me, we have more in common than we do differences.

7And the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being.
Genesis 2: 7 NKJV

~Scott~

Pharisee School Christianity

14How then shall they call on Him in whom they have not believed? And how shall they believe in Him of whom they have not heard? And how shall they hear without a preacher? 15And how shall they preach unless they are sent?
Romans 10: 14 - 15 NKJV

I call it Pharisee school christianity.  Many christians will not recognize the name, but may be all too familiar with its practices.  This is a christianity where the word is preached, so I cannot argue with that point.  However, it is often just HOW it is preached that I take issue this approach.  For those of you that partook, I take you back to your college classroom days.  Oh, how I remember those mornings.  I recall one particular lecture class on...political ethics of all things.  Well, as luck would have it, I took this class during spring semester.  That in itself wasn't a huge deal, except that the classroom we were in had a awesome view over the Mississippi river.  So there I was, sitting through blah blah blah lecture after lecture each morning while each time I looked out the window I would see someone else enjoying another sunny morning.  Torture.  Another reason that I bring this class up is because for the life of me I can't recall a damn thing the instructor ever talked about.  I mean, I recall most of the points he was making, but the lectures?  Nope.  So, what does this all have to do with a christian blog?  Well, think of a few of the most boring sunday sermons you have ever heard and you will more than likely recall a few preached by some fresh out of seminary (Pharisee school) pastor.  Now, don't get me wrong, pastors need to get a start somewhere, that's not the issue.  The issue of Pharisee school christianity lies with the way the preacher teaches his flock.  I have sat through far too many sermons where it felt as if I was back in that boring classroom once again.    All too often, the sermon will morph into a lecture complete with college level theories and lingo.  I've often thought to myself, is this how we are reaching out to new christians?  Do we need textbooks and dictionaries to navigate through a sermon?  One might think so.  It's a well known fact that our seminaries strive to equip our future pastors with those tools they will need to reach out to the masses.  I get it.  In fact, I would have no issue whatsoever with a pastor who takes this training and personalizes it with his own style.  I have a dear friend who is a former pastor who has done just that, and I have learned a lot from his words of wisdom.

10Then Moses said to the LORD, “O my Lord, I am not eloquent, neither before nor since You have spoken to Your servant; but I am slow of speech and slow of tongue.”11So the LORD said to him, “Who has made man’s mouth? Or who makes the mute, the deaf, the seeing, or the blind? Have not I, the LORD? 12“Now therefore, go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall say.”
Exodus 4: 10 - 12 NKJV

To anyone who is considering a career in theology, I wish you luck.  You will definately have a uphill battle.  Yours is not a typical nine to five gig by a long shot.  You will be called on to be a problem solver, makeshift physician, psychologist and politician.  If you hate office politics, you might not want to be a pastor.  That is just the nature of the job.  I have learned a lot of the pastoral field from my friend.  Enough to know that I most likely would never want that responsibility.  But, I digress.  How many christians are we reaching with our typical Pharisee school christianity?  I don't know the numbers, but what I do know is what I would rather listen to.  Skip the text book theories and dictionary vocabulary and hit me where it hurts!  Tell me how God, if He truly lives in me, can help me with my day to day life struggles.  Encourage me in my walk with Him.  Above all, let me know that it's not I who walks through this life of mine, but my heavenly Father who walks with me.  I want real life, rubber meets the road discussion on the issues we all face every day.  That Pharisee school theory probably won't help me too much with that.  What will help me is knowing that my Lord is there on my level every step of the way.  I know that this kind of teaching might be different than what your instructors taught you, but I will definately remember it well when we're not together.

~Scott~

The God I Know

14How then shall they call on Him in whom they have not believed? And how shall they believe in Him of whom they have not heard? And how shall they hear without a preacher?
Romans 10: 14 NKJV

I will ask a simple question of anyone willing to answer.  The question is this, who is the God you know?  Is the God you know a vengeful God prone to anger?  Is He a loving God?  Do you even have a close enough relationship with Him to know just how He truly is?  From my own experiences, I can honestly say that my own relationship with Christ Jesus has revealed to me over time how special a personal relationship with my heavenly Father can be.  Of course, it wasn't always that way.  On the contrary, the God I used to know is the very same God which many well meaning christians have come to know today.  This is a God of rules, regulations and traditional practices.  Oh yes, my own view of God used to center around that which I was taught to believe in the church.  Can you blame me?  This was all I ever heard of God.  The very idea that I could have a close, personal relationship with Him was out of my league.  That kind of personal walk with God must have been reserved for only the most devout christian pastors and leaders.  Not only that, I'm thinking it could only be achieved through years of righteous living and scripture reading.  Is it any wonder that my own version of God tended to follow that of the typical christian?  This is the God we have come to know.  A God who sits in heaven, preparing to judge us daily for our imperfections.  A God who commands that His children meet in a stuffy building each sunday, follow the edicts of the bible to a T and give of the first fruits of our labors each week.  This was the God I knew.  The trouble with this is, I might have known OF God, but I didn't really know Him at all.

20“Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with Me."
Revelation 3: 20 NKJV

One of my first experiences of the falsehood of the churches God versus my true heavenly Father came one sunday after church service.  It seems that a few of the guys in the church were planning a guys day out on the golf course.  Now, I hate golf for the most part, but this seemed like a good way for me to get connected to a few of the guys in my church.  So, I approached the pastor in charge of this expedition and expressed my desire to join my brothers on the links.  Imagine my surprise when this man of God told me that it would be best for me if I did not participate but to leave it to those who had golfed before.  What?  I remember asking God that day why He had refused me the opportunity to join in fellowship with my brothers.  I believe I even spent some time in prayer asking if there was something I had done to upset my heavenly Father.  Remember, this was the God I knew.  I was sure that somehow, somewhere I had upset the God I knew and that this was His way of letting me know.  Yeah, I know it's a whacked out view of God, but this is how I had been taught to see Him.  It does not surprise me at all that there are still christians out there who hold fast to this view of God.  I've been there, I get it.  I mentioned that my own relationship with Christ was revealed to me over time.  In the wake of the hurt I encountered in the church, I started to do A LOT of talking with God.  Why was He mad at me?  What had I done?  Over time I began to ask myself, was this the God I knew?
This had to be herecy.  I was having dinner with a friend and the whole time he was talking about our personal relationship with Christ in us.  Could God really inhabit a sinful man in this way?  The God I had known was a enemy of sin.  Therefore, my own salvation seemed to always be in question.  Yet here was my friend telling me of the freedom of a personal relationship with Jesus.  A relationship that transcended the rituals and traditions of the God I once knew.  I was ready for something more.  I would never tell anyone that their own realization of that close relationship with Jesus is a easy transformation.  I still struggle with my own path from time to time.  One thing that will say is that my own relationship with Christ has grown.  This is the God I know.

21“that they all may be one, as You, Father, are in Me, and I in You; that they also may be one in Us, that the world may believe that You sent Me. 22“And the glory which You gave Me I have given them, that they may be one just as We are one: 23“I in them, and You in Me; that they may be made perfect in one, and that the world may know that You have sent Me, and have loved them as You have loved Me. 24“Father, I desire that they also whom You gave Me may be with Me where I am, that they may behold My glory which You have given Me; for You loved Me before the foundation of the world.
John 17: 21 - 24 NKJV

~Scott~