There's been alot of mention for a good number of years about the value of a accountability relationship with a fellow christian or group thereof. In fact, I've even been down this road more than a few times. Without fail, each time I trusted another christian friend with the task of seeing if I "measured up" to Gods plan and will it inevitably left me feeling worse than I did going in. Why is that? Well, I'm feeling that my focus was that I was attempting to comply with things that are not attainable by mankind. The fact that each time I failed, I feared the condemnation and guilt that came from revealing my shortcomings to another person. As we know, each time we plan on attaining perfection to please God, WE WILL fail! Part of the issue is that we do not realize that God does NOT condem us, he's not sitting back on his throne of grace just waiting for us to sin so that he can say...AHH HA! If this were the case, then all that scripture about God sending his son to die for our sins would be a massive contradiction, and God is not into that kind of thing. I've come to realize that having a relationship with Christ is preferable to having a accountability relationship with a fellow christian. Don't get me wrong, I think it's a good thing to have healthy relationships with fellow believers, but I wouldn't classify a accountability relationship as healthy. Here's why, as I've said, when I was in a accountability relationship I dreaded the moment where I would have to spill my guts and admit my shortcomings. Nothing scared me more than having to admit that I had fallen short as a man. As a result, I more than often ommited things I was afraid to mention and kept them to myself. Does that sound helpful for spiritual growth to you? Me either. The entire premise of a accountability relationship seems to be to shame someone into submission, and this IS NOT from a loving God! Am I crazy? Take a look at a simulated accountability relationship meeting (Names have been changed to protect the innocent)
Sinner ~ "I've had a rough week...been dealing with alot"
The Man~ "I'm sorry to hear that sinner, were you reading your bible as much as you could?"
Sinner~ "Ummm, not realy"
The Man~ "REALLY? You know, God helps those who helps themselves"
Sinner~ "...But"
The Man~ "God DOES NOT tolerate sin sinner, YOU KNOW THIS! You're lucky God has brought us together so I can tell you that!"
Sound like a productive and healthy relationship? Now, don't confuse a accountability relationship with the healthy fellowship we can share with a christian friend. I've spent alot of time this summer with my good friend Dennis as we've hiked and dined and fellowshipped enjoying each others company and Christ. I've learned more from my time with Dennis than I have in many years of church sermons. Which is strange, because Dennis is a pastor :) I believe that a healthy fellowship with fellow christian(s) is essential in our spiritual growth. Any relationship that is based on guilt and shame, as many accountability relationships are, cannot be productive to anyone. Now, as a good friend has told me "I've told you a million times never to exaggerate", Im sure there are a few accountability relationships out there that have somehow been succesful. For a accountability relationship to be effective, IT MUST be based on trust. I'm not going to sit across from someone and spill my guts of all my shortcomings if I don't trust that person I'm talking to. Also, if that person is trying to guilt and shame me into complying, I'll more than likely terminate that relationship. Is that wrong thinking? Well, consider the interactions Jesus had with sinners, and there were more than a few. The woman at the well, the adultress about to be stoned and the greedy tax collector. Let's not forget the man who was crucified right beside Jesus..."Today, you shall be with me in paradise" Do any of these interactions sound like Jesus was trying to guilt or shame the people he was speaking with? Take a look at the simulated conversation above and ask yourself if Jesus would have handled that situation in the same way. Above all, I believe that we can show the the love and compassion of Christ in all of our relationships. Yes, I'm still working on that one too. I'll take a relationship based on fellowship, love and compassion over guilt and shame any day :)
~Scott~
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