How, then, should they be invoking One in whom they do not believe? Yet how should they be believing One of whom they do not hear? Yet how should they be hearing apart from one heralding? Yet how should they be heralding if ever they should not be commissioned? According as it is written: How beautiful are the feet of those bringing an evangel of good?
Romans 10: 14-15, Concordant New Testament
I know a guy, a former member of the cloth, who during his final years of preaching would often struggle with concept of knowing Jesus on a more personal level. Of the conflict he faced not only with a radically new revelation, but with the centuries old Christian doctrine he had been led to proclaim. Today, this man cringes at the very thought of what he once preached to others. He has apologized to me more than once for the supposed Christian doctrine he proclaimed from the pulpit for so many years. I hold no grudges. I believe that he was simply proclaiming what he thought was right in his heart at the time. Yet why on earth would he, years later, feel a sense of guilt over the message he delivered to so many others so long ago? I believe that this goes directly to the conflict of his message today in contrast with his sermons back in the day. It is this very man who, one day on a nature hike, introduced me to the radical revelation he himself had struggled with. The revelation of Christ Jesus in me. The fact that Christian churches proclaiming this truth of Jesus are few and far between makes the revelation of Christ in me less than mainstream in todays Christian community. Pastors continue to stick to the same old doctrine that my friend began to question back in his days in the pulpit. Now, I admit that I have struggled with this teaching as well, having been raised on the centuries old theology. Perhaps this is what the apostle Paul is referring to in his letter to the Colossians? That being this mystery among the gentiles {Colossians 1:27}. When was the last time you walked into a church on Sunday morning and heard the pastor speak on Christ in you? When is the last time you heard a pastor mention from the pulpit that sin...is dead? Sin is dead? But I still struggle with sin! Perhaps, but Paul assures us in Romans that we are indeed dead to sin {Romans 6:11}. I believe that this is the struggle my friend faced when he himself began to receive the revelation in his heart of the truth of Christ in him.
To whom God wills to make known what are the glorious riches of this secret among the nations, which is: Christ among you, the expectation of glory.
Colossians 1: 27, Concordant New Testament
I can understand the struggle my friend faced, because I faced the same internal revolt among my beliefs as well. I also get why recalling his days in the pulpit somehow makes him feel like a get away driver who evaded capture. He feels guilty by association. I get it. Yet I believe that, as the Father intends everything for a reason, that His revelation in my friend was not in any way happenstance. Just as my own revelation of Christ in me was not a coincidence. I believe that God reveals Himself in us in His own timing. This is especially evident in the experience of Paul on that Damacus road. Christian doctrine speaks to Paul being "converted" on the spot, but this was not the case at all. For Paul had questions and struggles as well. Remember, the man Saul was a devout Jew who had been raised in the faith. His zealous beliefs eventually leading him to persecute the followers of Jesus and the early church. Now, put yourself in Paul's place for a minute. You've just encountered something/someone which you cannot wrap your mind around. Your teaching is telling you one thing, but your heart is leading you in a totally different direction. For Paul, that Damacus road experience led him to more than a few years in the desert where he undoubtably wrestled with what he knew and what he was learning. I have no doubt that Paul indeed had regrets for his actions against the early church. By his own admission, he was the chief persecutor of the early followers of Christ {1 Timothy 1:15}. We should all be thankful that Paul worked out his questions and struggles out there in the desert. For in return he became the single most important voice for the truth of Christ Jesus in us. Whether or not my friend feels guilty by association with his old brethren is something he will work out in time. For now I am grateful for his leading into my own revelation.
~Scott~
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