Wherefore also, lest I should be lifted up by the transcendence of the revelations, there was given to me a splinter in the flesh, a messenger of Satan, that he may be buffering me, lest I be lifted up. For this I entreat the Lord thrice, that it should withdraw from me. Also He has protested to me, "Sufficient for you is My grace, for My power in infirmity is being perfected." With the greatest relish, then, will I rather be glorifying in my infirmities, that the power of Christ might be tabernacling over me.
2 Corinthians 12: 7-9, Concordant New Testament
They were pretty easy to spot, those who have been out in the field for far too long. For the combat soldier, they called it the "Thousand yard stare," and no soldier wished it upon anyone. For it meant that you had been in the field of combat for far too long. That you had seen more than your share of combat. That, if you were fortunate, had somehow learned to desensitize yourself from the hell around you. For those who had seen it all and survived, being placed back into a combat rotation was out of the question. Many were shipped to the rear where they were allowed to rest and decompress. For many more, the mental torment of the combat experience proved to be too much. Although I've never served my country with military service, I have discovered recently that being on the front lines of any fight can leave its mark on someone. Portland made national news once again this week when a young man in the midst of a drug induced episode suddenly attacked another man, biting and chewing the mans face down to the bone. The young man would later tell police that the older man "smelled like a robot who was trying to kill him." Needless to say, this young mans life on the streets is most likely over, replaced by a life in incarceration. As the local news showed the footage of the attackers first court appearance I saw it. The thousand yard stare. As he walked into the courtroom, the young man had the expression that he was looking through everyone around him. You could tell that he had been in the fight for far too long. I share this incident because my work takes me far too close to the day to day happenings of the street life of many of those who have seen it all. We experience it each and every day. The violence, the drug use and the misguided behaviors. The thousand yard stare is not limited to those who struggle to survive out on the streets, for I've noticed it in more than a few of my coworkers as well. We are fortunate in that our experience if limited to a work shift. However, this doesn't mean that the consequences of what we see are that less harmful.
Now this know, that in the last days perilous periods will be present, for men will be selfish, fond of money, ostentatious, proud, calumniators, stubborn to parents, ungrateful, malign, without natural affection, implacable, adversaries, uncontrollable, fierce, averse to the good, traitors, rash, conceited, fond of their own gratification rather than fond of God; having a form of devoutness, yet denying its power.
2 Timothy 3: 1-5, Concordant New Testament
I made the comment to a dear friend of mine this past week in an email message. What will become of me? I was in no way being fatalistic, I was simply concerned. Concerned that I would be that guy who would wake up one day to that thousand yard stare glaring back at me. Now, I know damn well that I have seen far too much in my time. The question then becomes, how much is too much? Fortunately, I have an advocate in the Lord whom I have turned to many times after such experiences. I know that, despite the image I might see staring back at me in the mirror, that I am a man in Christ {Galatians 2:20}. Of course, I don't hold a monopoly on who it is that has Christ Jesus in them. I believe that all of the Lords children are born with His indwelling Spirit. However, it is our choice whether we recognize Him in ourselves or not. For myself, I was well into my forties before I realized the revelation of Christ Jesus in me. Yes, I know OF Jesus, but I did not really know Him. I did not know the Jesus who desires all of us to be one with He and the Father {John 17:21}. So it is that the young man with the thousand yard stare in that court room carries with him an advocate to show him the man he truly is. Whether he recognizes that revelation in time or not is the question. There are times where I feel that my presence among so many of the cities lost has been orchestrated by the Father with the intent of showing Himself through me. If so, I pray that I'm able to achieve that with minimal harm to myself.
~Scott~
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