Ephesians 5: 22 - 27 NKJV
In recent months it seems that I have fallen into a conversation about the institution of marriage. The conversation has not only been with others, but with myself as well. So I asked myself, what is this thing we call marriage? Well, if you would ask the common christian you would get the common answer. That is, a man and a woman together in union for life. That seems like a pretty fair representation of how I've always viewed marriage. That is, until my own parents got divorced. So, what happened? How were two people who stood before family and friends and professed their devotion to each other so suddenly torn apart? Well, I'll venture to guess that it had very little to do with what God had planned and everything about ourselves as individuals. While my mother chose to hold to the belief that her union was to one man only, it seems that my father had other ideas on the subject. For my dad, marriage was akin to having a cook, caretaker and babysitter at his disposal. Sure, my dad worked and provided to a point, but his view of the marriage relationship was a bit one sided. So much so that he allowed other women to be involved in his relationship as well. Of course, this did not sit very well with my mom. As I said, the relationship has very little to do with what God desires and all about what we want from it. Back in the days of phone books, I used to be amazed at how many attorneys would advertise "Divorce for only $99." Of course, the real cost of a divorce is much, much higher. How do you put a cost to a child growing up without a parent? How do you place a cost on the breakup of a family? I'll tell you how, by offering it for $99! When the rubber of life hits the road, many well meaning people will succumb to their own desires and the false belief that divorce is their only way out. Now, there are definately situations where divorce is the only option, but I refuse to believe that 50% of marriages deserve that fate as we saw in the 1970's.
28So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31“For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh."
Ephesians 5: 28 - 31 NKJV
I remember a conversation I had with a friend of mine some time ago on the occassion of his 50th wedding aniversery. I asked him, why was it that he and his wife had been able to endure in marriage for so many years? His answer surprised me...for he and his wife divorce was never an option. Genius! That, in a nutshell, was the solution to a good number of rocky marriages we all too often face. See, my friend did not see his own marriage as a union of two seperate individuals but of two whom God had brought together and had become one flesh. Far too often we see our own lives through the filter of our own independence. My friend like to call this the independent self. The independent self proclaims that he and he alone is in charge of his own life. Sure, he believes in God, but God is in heaven and we're here on earth living our own independent lives. Has anyone ever seen the independent self in the marriage relationship? I have. I've not only lived it, but I've witnessed others suffer its consequences. It's how my own father saw his marriage relationship. It's how so many people in our society see their relationships with their spouse. Tell me, how easy is it to divorce someone if you see your relationship as seperate from yourself? Well, if you've got $99 you can find out pretty damn quick. I have seen time and again the results of the independent self thinking in marriage. One person comes in with expectations of how things will go and the other has their own ideas. Tell me how long this type of relationship will last. I wouldn't call this a marriage but a relationship of convenience. It is a marriage for as long as it serves our own purposes. When it stops serving our own needs we fork out the $99 and call it good. Not too often do we see our own marriage, and our mate, as an extension of ourselves. That just wouldn't fit in our independent self world.
I mentioned that in recent months I've had this conversation of our own views of marriage with myself. Far from being the ramblings of a disturbed person, this conversation comes from the heart. For I know that my own life has never been a life lived seperated from God. No, my life is one lived in union with Him {Galations 2:20}.
3The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?”4And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’5“and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? 6“So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”
Matthew 19: 3 - 6 NKJV
~Scott~
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