Matthew 10: 29 - 31 NKJV
One of the key realizations in my recovery from my addiction was when I realized my own self worth. Not only that, but how it is that my Father sees me. In Matthew, Jesus uses the example of two sparrows to illustrate just how important we are to Father God. The people to whom Jesus was speaking I'm sure knew full well the value of those two sparrows. For two birds who are sold for two coins, our Father pays much attention to their fates as well as our own. In fact, He pays more close attention to us, His prized creation. I'm sure I'm not the only one who realizes that one of the most lucrative niches on the book market these days are those novels on self help. It seems that everyone has a take on how it is that we should present ourselves, see ourselves and treat ourselves. However, when was the last time that you sought out just how God sees you? How do you think God sees you? For the longest time my own view of God was tied to a negative view of myself. I couldn't refer to God as "Daddy" simply because of the painful memories of my own father. I didn't see myself as loved or valuable to God because I didn't see it in myself. sure, I knew who God was and that He loved me, but it was my own view of God where I fell short. I saw God not as a loving Father, but as one who was quick to jump in to correct me when I messed up. As my own father had done, I saw God as one who would abandon me when I screwed up too many times. The mainstream church keeps us pretty close to this narrative with their teachings on God. We're taught to see God as separate from ourselves, apart from His creation. We're told that God and Jesus are sitting in heaven, while we the sinners toil away on earth. Our lives are but races to see if we can achieve enough "good" points to allow God to grant us access into eternity with Him. Trust me, I've all too often felt as if I was losing that race. I've talked to far too many Christians whose own view of God is that of a disciplinarian. Far too few Christians know the true nature of God which we're told in 1 John. It is here where it is revealed to us that God...is Love {1 John 4:8}. Far from being the strict upholder of his commandments, the God we hear of here is one of tenderness, mercy and compassion. I won't lie, I haven't heard that message from the pulpits all too often. As it did for me, this view of God might just lead to some bad feelings about ourselves. How could God ever be in the presence of such a sinner? Yeah, that's a big one. Too many Christians feel removed from God because of the sin issue. The sin issue which has already been dealt with by Christ {Romans 6:6-11}. That's right, the apostle Paul tells us that we should now see ourselves as "dead to sin." So, if you're dead to sin, what barrier remains between you and God?
Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. He who does not love does not know God, for God is love.
1 John 4: 7 - 8 NKJV
When I walked in the throes of my addiction, I saw a lot of barriers between myself and God. All of the negative things I saw in myself I was sure that God Himself saw those very same things and He wasn't happy with the person He saw! This is the life I lived. So, you might ask, how is it that I finally broke through and began to see how God really saw me? More on that in a minute. My deeper issue was the sin issue, that inner voice that screamed that I was not worthy of Gods time because of all that I had done. Then, one night while listening to a radio preacher I heard what I can only describe as Gods revelation to me. As J Vernon McGee spoke to his sermon on the parable of the prodigal son, something clicked. God wasn't the overseer who me waiting for me to screw up. As I listened, in my heart I imagined God waiting at the end of that road...for me. Yes, that son who had taken all that was due to him and struck out on his own to do his own thing apart from his home and Father. That was me. Yet, through all of my wanderings, where was it that God remained? The same place He was as I indulged in my pleasures. There He was, waiting for me to return. It turns out that God wasn't upset over my life choices. It was never His discipline He wanted me to experience, but His love for me. I believe that this was the turning point for me in how I saw God. For now I saw Him as He is. Something else began to change as well, how it is that I saw myself. If God didn't see me as the guy who keeps messing up, then just maybe that really wasn't who I was after all. Who I am...is Christ. Paul tells us in Galatians that it is Christ Jesus who now lives in us {Galatians 2:20}. When I look in that mirror, the man I see there is Jesus. THAT is our real true identity. Whatever it is that the world may want to tell us about who we are, God has the perfect answer. "You are my child,,,and I am in you"{1 John 3:1}.
It happened one night as I was driving the streets of Portland that I came upon a strip club I hadn't been to in awhile. True to my addiction, I stopped for a look. As I started to open the door I felt it immediately..."This isn't who you are." He was right, that guy wasn't who I was anymore. I didn't need to sell two sparrows to see that.
"And he arose and came to his father. But when he was still a great way off, his father saw him and had compassion, and ran and fell on his neck and kissed him. And the son said to him, I have sinned against heaven and in your sight, and am no longer worthy to be called your son. But the father said to his servants, 'bring the best robe and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand and sandals on his feet. 'And bring the fatted calf here and kill it, and let us eat and be merry; For this my son was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.'
Luke 15: 20 - 24 NKJV
~Scott~
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