Dad

And he arose and came to his father.  But when he was still a great way off, his father saw him and had compassion, and ran and fell on his neck and kissed him.  "And the son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven in your sight, and am no longer worthy to be called your son.'  "But the father said to his servants, 'Bring out the best robe and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand and sandals on his feet.  'And bring the fatted calf here and kill it, and let us eat and be merry;  'For this my son was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found' And they began to be merry.
Luke 15: 20-24 NKJV

According to a recent U.S. Census survey,  43% of  children in the  United States live without a father.  Now, that's just our country, I can't speak for other nations.  My only focus and concern is for those that are fatherless in our own country, because I'm one of them.  Only those who have experienced it can attest to the pain and rejection that it causes.  What causes a man to suddenly give up and leave his child/children?  Believe me, I wish I had that answer.  Maybe, then, I'd have some answers to the pain I've gone through.  I've heard many people trivialize this issue, telling me that perhaps I should reconcile with my father, as if somehow I was at fault for what he did.  I would say that these people have never known this pain or were blind to what it was causing.  Was I to blame for my dads alchohol abuse?  Was  his infidelity my fault?  Forgive me, but I don't give too much credence to these self righteous fools.  Psychology is certainly not their strongpoint.
My dad wasn't  that much different from the men of his generation.  When it came to showing emotion and showing his love, he was sorely lacking.  See, guys just didn't do this kind of thing.  For his part, his father, my grandfather, kept his own children at bay with his temper.  The weird thing is, my grandfather was always good to the grandkids.  It was only his own children who felt his wrath.  While it doesn't  excuse my dads behavior, it does give me an insight into what he was thinking.  After all of these years,  I can understand why he left home to join the Navy when he did.
As I mentioned, there are 43% of children in America who are growing up without a father in their lives.  That's 43% of our kids who are going through the same pain I've gone through.  This is unacceptable!  I won't get into all of the lectures about taking responsibility for ones actions and being a sound leader as that may fall on more than a few deaf ears.  After all, men today don't need anyones help with how they live their lives right?  Keep telling yourselves that.
If there was one thing I learned from growing up without my dad, was that change starts with me.  I'm not responsible for the choices my dad made, but I can choose to learn from it.  I made myself a promise some years ago to NEVER be the man that that my dad was.  I think I've done a good job to avoid the pitfalls that he faced.  One thing that I have learned, is that despite growing up without my father, this DOES NOT diminish the love that my Lord Jesus has for me.  In fact, it is the love of Jesus that has lifted me up in some pretty dark times in my life.  Even though my dad walked out on me, Jesus has promised to never leave me.
One of the last memories I have of my dad was as he was driving me home after spending the weekend with him.  I remember being pretty shaken up at the thought of not knowing when I'd see my dad again.  He must have sensed this, because he asked what was wrong.  I guess I told him how much I was looking forward to our next weekend together.  Dad reached over and pulled me close to him.  I thought I knew him better.

~Scott~