Yes Dear

~Yes Dear~

3The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?” 4And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ 5“and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? 6“So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”
Matthew 19: 3 - 6 NKJV

It's become quite the joke among our group of brothers to be quick to remind me that I am not privy to the inner workings of the marriage relationship.  Such is the life of the single christian man.  Now, I know that they are merely pointing out the fact that I am not aware of the give and take of any marriage, but I already knew that.  See, relationships between one single person and another are different from the marriage relationship.  As Dennis is so very fond of telling me, I need to learn how to say "Yes dear."  But what does this all mean?  Well, we can look at the words of Christ Jesus in Matthew 19 for starters.  As Jesus tells the assembled Pharisees, "The two shall become one flesh."  One flesh?  Simply put, in a marriage relationship, it is no longer "Me," but "we."  Given the choice of going golfing or helping with chores at home, the golf may have to wait.  Yes dear.  Given the choice of fishing or organizing that attic, guess who's not going fishing?  Again, yes dear.  Now, before I'm raked over the burning coals by every feminist from here to Florida, let me say that I get it.  I get that in a relationship our own desires often are put on hold to preserve the sanctity of the union.  There's nothing at all wrong with that either.  Indeed, selfishness has no place in a successful marriage relationship.  For if we insist on promoting our own desires over those of our mate, chaos will surely follow.  I've seen far too many people, christian people, end up with their marriages on the rocks because one or both refused to budge and let the "me" become the "we."  There is a reason that Jesus claimed that this relationship produced one flesh.


4Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8Love never fails.
1 Corinthians 13: 4 - 8 NKJV

I work with a man who by all appearences seems to have his marriage relationship act together, or so I thought.  All it took for me to see otherwise was to hear how he talked of his wife, his one flesh, on the phone one day.  Since that day, I can see that this man is still stuck on the "me."  Sure, he may put on a good show in public, but behind the scenes he is another person alltogether.  Whether he is just doing this to prove he is the king of his castle or not is up for debate.  However, when I hear a man talk about his wife that she needs to see who the bread winner of the family is, I'm not seeing a true marriage relationship.  But, hey, I'm just a single christian guy so how would I know a marriage relationship from a hole in the ground?  Simple, I grew up in a home devastated by a unhealthy marriage relationship.  My own dad was all about "Me" and rarely about "we."  But, that is how so many men of his generation felt things should be.  In order to be a man, you were the king of your castle.  You laid down the rules and your wife and family followed them.  I'm sorry, but that doesn't sound like one flesh to me.  But, hey, I'm just a single guy.  I've been privileged recently to see a few Christ centered marriage relationships in our circle of friends.  Dennis and his lovely wife Shirley have been celebrating their marriage relationship now for over 50 years.  Chuck, another dear friend and his wife Gwen have enjoyed their own marriage relationship for almost as long.  So, even though I'm single, I have been blessed with the freindship of those who value that relationship above all else.
I recently asked Dennis why it was that he and Shirleys relationship has withstood the test of time.  I wasn't looking for the secret of their success, just his opinion on why their relationship is as solid today as it was when they first met.  Knowing that divorce is all too common in these days, his answer surprised me.  As Dennis humbly put it, "Divorce was never an option."  Yes dear.

~Scott~